Katie Coyle: On Self-Compassion And Self-Love As Essential Tools For Parents And Kids

In this episode we chat to the incredible Katie Coyle about the essential role that self-love and self-compassion play in the parenting journey and how to role model these tools to children.

Katie is a pediatric nurse, a writer, an advocate for early intervention, a mother of 3 beautiful children, and a wonderful friend to Lindsay, Koes and Sam.

We discuss Katie’s personal journey to parenthood, which involved infertility issues and Katie conceiving premature twins through IVF at the age of 26. Katie opens up about how difficult this process was and the body shame she felt because her body wasn’t functioning as it was ‘supposed to’. We talk about how Katie found herself at breaking point about 18 months after giving birth and how this became her invitation to becoming more self-compassionate and learning how to love herself well.

We look at the ways that children learn through observing their parents, and why this means practicing self-love is the ultimate lesson for parents to learn, so they can role model this behavior to their children. Katie shares why dropping perfectionism as a standard is a must and how adopting a growth mindset is a more powerful alternative.

Katie also shares some great tools to help children when they’re feeling anxious and upset, how to use story and play as tools to teach self-compassion and what to do when kids or parents are feeling flooded. Katie is an absolute wealth of knowledge, she has a heart of gold and we feel so lucky to have her on our podcast.

Resources Mentioned:

Katie’s website with tools for parents and kids - www.nursemomshop.com

The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - https://amzn.to/2YGol0t

Mindset by Dr. Carol S. Dweck - https://amzn.to/2YINjMI

Susan Piver: On The Four Noble Truths of Love And The Wisdom Of The Enneagram

In this episode we chat to the amazing Susan Piver about her latest book The 4 Noble Truths of Love and understanding meditation as a path to love. Susan is a New York Times Best-Selling author of 9 books, a meditation teacher, a speaker and a long-time Buddhist practitioner. She runs the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world, the Open Heart Project, which has more than 30,000 members. Susan is incredibly wise, insightful and kind and we're so grateful for everything she shared with us.

We discuss how Susan first became interested in Buddhism, why this particular spiritual path appealed to her and how this led to her becoming a meditation teacher. We explore the way that Susan views meditation as a path to love rather than a self-improvement technique or life-hack. Susan explains how through sitting with yourself in meditation and allowing yourself to just be who you are, this opens you up to gentleness. And as you practice softening towards yourself, this allows you to soften towards others and approach them with the same compassion and gentleness.

We talk about the intersection between intimate relationships and self-love and how the way that you treat yourself and talk to yourself can bleed over into your intimate relationship and the way you talk to your partner. The closer you get to a person, the more intertwined you become and if you’re someone who speaks harshly to yourself, as these boundaries become blurred, you’ll probably find yourself speaking harshly to your partner.

We also talk about the notion people have that you have to love yourself first in order to be in a healthy, loving relationship and why Susan believes this is a myth and in some ways, an act of aggression towards yourself.

We go through her Four Noble Truths of Love as a helpful way of understanding modern relationships and the personal insight Susan has gained from her own marriage of 20 years. Last but not least, we chat to Susan about the wisdom of the enneagram - an ancient typology tool that is extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed chatting to and learning from Susan.

Resources Mentioned:

Susan Piver’s Ennegram Workshop - https://susanpiver.com/event/enneagram-daylong-program/

The 4 Noble Truths Of Love - https://www.amazon.com/Four-Noble-Truths-Love-Relationships/dp/1732277605

Susan Piver video interview with Jonathan Fields - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/video/mindfulness-serendipity-and-the-unplanned-life/

Jonathan Fields: On deepening self-awareness and finding work that lights you up

In this episode we chat to the amazing Jonathan Fields about self-awareness, creating communities of belonging and uncovering your unique source code so you can find meaningful work that lights you up. Jonathan is an award-winning author, serial entrepreneur, community-builder, speaker and teacher. He’s been featured everywhere from The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Inc., SmartCompany and Entrepreneur to the pages of Vogue, Elle, Allure, Yoga Journal, Mind + Body, USA Today, and People just to name a few. He’s incredibly inspiring, genuine, full of integrity and he truly cares for people. He’s also the reason the 3 of us met in the first place, so it was a real thrill to get to interview someone who’s had such a significant impact on our lives.

We discuss the ways in which self-awareness is a precursor to self-love and how so much of Jonathan’s work has a focus on self-enquiry and developing a deep level of self-knowledge. We look at where his fascination with the human condition, psychology and human performance began in college, how he followed that curiosity over the years and the profound impact that 9/11 had on his life and work.

We talk about the way we learn to love ourselves in relation to the way we interact with others and how important it is to find communities that foster connection, acceptance and belonging. Jonathan shares so much insight about how we can create amazing communities by being completely open about the values the community stands for, modeling those behaviors, and intentionally designing experiences with social dynamics, interaction and safety in mind. It’s this safe container that allows people to be open and vulnerable, which is what leads to greater connection and belonging.

We also go into Jonathan’s latest work with Sparketypes, which is all about helping you discover your unique source code for work that fills you with a sense of meaning and purpose and allows you to feel fully engaged and fully expressed in the world. We discuss how unloving it is to spend the vast majority of your time doing things that conflict with your essential nature, and why so many people find themselves in this position with the work that they do. Jonathan believes that through learning more about who you are, what matters to you most, and what feels deeply meaningful, this gives you the self-knowledge to know what to say yes or no to in a way that nourishes you and it’s these choices that lead to self-fulfillment or self-love.

Finally, we talk about Jonathan’s self-care rituals and why dark chocolate just might be the solution to everything. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jonathan.

Resources Mentioned:

Good Life Project - www.goodlifeproject.com

Sparketypes - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sparketest/

Creating Space In Your Life

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about creating space in your life and what that can do for you. In today’s modern world, we’ve become so used to packing our schedules with all sorts of tasks and events, that there are very few moments where we stop, take a breath and really ask ourselves what we need.

We speak to Sam about a recent digital detox she decided to take, and what it felt like to be completely disconnected from all devices and alone with her thoughts. We discuss the ways we’ve become accustomed to plugging every second of space with checking our phones, and what it’s like when that reflex is taken away.

Lindsay talks about her latest art project and how she has created the space for that in her life. We look at how creating space can be seen or feel as though it’s self-indulgent, and how we can reframe that and recognize that creating space is essential for all of us. We also discuss the fact that so many people are addicted to being busy and why it is that we resist creating space in the first place.

Jeffrey Davis: On Remembering Your Young Genius And Tracking Wonder As A Path To Self-Love

In this episode we chat to the incredible Jeffrey Davis about his own experiences with self-love and what it’s come to mean to him in his life. Jeffrey is an author, a branding consultant, a speaker, a workshop facilitator, a father of 2 girls and one of the kindest and most genuine people we’ve met. He’s full of wisdom and insight and generously shares so much of that with us in this episode.

We discuss the power of reconnecting with your younger self and uncovering, what Jeffrey refers to as your young genius. What were those innate and wonderful character traits and qualities that you embodied as a young child and how can you show up with them today? Remembering your young genius and honoring your essential nature is a beautiful act of self-love. After all, the more you can develop a deep understanding of who you are, what makes you come alive and really nurture those things, the more enriching your life will be.

We talk about Jeffrey’s lifelong fascination with tracking wonder - what it means and how wonder can actually be a vehicle towards self-love. As Jeffrey so eloquently says “moments of wonder can open you up to seeing yourself and the natural beauty and truth of yourself again. And that’s true in helping you see other people anew as well.” In fact, Jeffrey talks about how one of the greatest indicators of self-love is when you’re all the more open to the world and others around you.

We also look at the ways that self-love can enhance a person’s creativity and how a healthy self-regard is needed in order for people to listen to their young genius over the naysayers and have the courage to put their creative ideas into the world. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jeffrey.

Resources Mentioned:

Tracking Wonder - www.trackingwonder.com

Tracking Wonder Podcast - https://trackingwonder.com/podcast/#episodes

What Would You Do If You Loved Yourself?

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about one of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself - what would you do if you loved yourself? It’s a question you may never have asked, and it’s one that can have a profound impact on your life. It’s a question we encourage you to use as a filter for your decision-making. You can use it for the tiny day-to-day questions like, what do I want to eat today? And you can use it for the big life-changing decisions like, do I stay in this relationship or move on?

We look at where Lindsay, Sam and Koes are each using this question in their life at the moment and what’s coming up for them. We talk about the importance of continuing to ask this question again and again, because the answer can shift and change from day to day. It’s all about tuning in to how you feel in the present moment, being honest with yourself, trusting the answer to that question and then having the courage to take action in alignment with your answer.

We also discuss how this question can help you to set healthy boundaries and whether or not this question can also lead to selfish behaviour when the answer to it negatively impacts other people.

Practising Self-Compassion As An Entry Point To Self-Love

For many people the term self-love can be quite confronting. It’s easy to confuse self-love with being arrogant, egotistical or narcissistic, which is the complete opposite of what self-love is all about. Essentially self-love is about treating yourself with kindness and compassion no matter what is happening in your life, because after all, this is the way that you treat people that you love.  If you’re struggling with self-love and where to begin, a great entry point is through learning to practise self-compassion, which is what this episode is all about.

We look at what self-compassion is and give you practical examples of where Lindsay, Koes and Sam have each practised self-compassion in their own lives.  We talk about why the tendency to beat yourself up and use punishment as a form of motivation just doesn’t work and we offer an alternative, kinder way of being.  We discuss the benefits of dropping your impeccably high standards and how lowering the bar can actually lead to wonderful results. We also share Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion break, which is a 3-part mindfulness process that you can use to help deepen your self-compassion and self-love.

Resources Mentioned:

Dr. Kristin Neff’s website - www.selfcompassion.org

Valentine's Day Special: Self-Love In And Out of Relationships

With Valentine’s Day in the air, we wanted to explore what self-love looks like in and out of relationships. Whether you’re happily single, unhappily single, happily coupled, unhappily coupled, what does self-love look like when we practice it in our relationships?

Sam talks about how self-love plays out in her life as a single woman and how she is both happily single, but also wanting an intimate relationship. She believes it was cultivating self-love that moved her from unhappily single to happily single, as she was no longer relying on someone else to make her feel loved and accepted.

Lindsay and Koes talk about what self-love looks like in their marriage and how their behaviour towards one another has changed as a result of them each building their self-love. They talk about the early days of their marriage when they didn’t know what self-love was and how they used to rely on one another to feel loved.

We also look at how relationships can be the best space to explore self-love and how it’s important to understand that self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at, but an ongoing process and a way of treating yourself. The best question to ask yourself is - how do I love myself in this moment?

We also share tools and tips for how to feel the way you want to feel this Valentine’s Day, no matter what your relationship status.

Resources Mentioned:

Emily McDowell Studio - https://emilymcdowell.com/

Using Counter-Evidence To Counteract Negative Confirmation Bias

What if there was a simple tool you could use to literally undo negative self-beliefs and rewire your brain? What if there was a way to quickly realize that the negative thoughts you hold about yourself are just stories that you’re making up and that you have the power to create a more helpful, positive story? The good news is, there is such a tool and we share it with you in this episode.

This episode looks at your in-built confirmation bias - essentially the way in which your brain is actively seeking evidence all day long for what you already believe to be true - and how that can be incredibly destructive when you have a negative self-belief. Your confirmation bias is always going to find evidence that this negative self-belief is true, because that’s what it’s designed to do.  

The counter-evidence tool that we share in this episode is designed to counteract your confirmation bias. The good news is, that for every piece of evidence there is always counter evidence to support the opposing viewpoint - it’s just that you aren’t used to looking for it. If you actively look for the counter evidence to your negative self-belief, you will find it, and as you continue to do so, you will build a large body of evidence that supports an alternate, positive self-belief.

We also look at the ways that you can make using this tool a habit, through implementing the work of Gretchen Rubin and her Four Tendencies framework. For anyone that isn’t familiar with Gretchen Rubin’s work, we encourage you to take her Four Tendencies quiz and find out which tendency you fall into so that you can use the counter-evidence tool in a way that works for you.

Gayla Gower: On Grappling With Divorce And Learning To Trust Yourself

In this episode, we speak to Gayla Gower about her journey to self-compassion and trusting herself. This is a deep dive into Gayla’s personal story, how she ended up in an unhappy marriage, with 3 children, trying to mask the daily pain that she was experiencing, and how ultimately she was able to move through the pain and choose herself.

In this episode, we speak to Gayla Gower about her journey to self-compassion and trusting herself. This is a deep dive into Gayla’s personal story, how she ended up in an unhappy marriage, with 3 children, trying to mask the daily pain that she was experiencing, and how ultimately she was able to move through the pain and choose herself.

We talk to Gayla about the woman she was when she first got married - a person who didn’t trust herself, who decided to trust what her friends and family thought more than her own gut. Gayla gives us an insight into what her marriage felt like, and how she was able to recognize that the unhealthy and neglectful treatment in her marriage was something that felt familiar to her because of her childhood.  

Gayla openly shares how a strongly-held belief that her children would turn out better if they had 2 parents kept her from getting a divorce and the insightful comment that her therapist made, which shifted the way Gayla saw the whole situation. As someone who exemplifies love and compassion, Gayla’s story is a beautiful one of resilience, building self-trust and getting a second chance at life so that Gayla can now be fully herself - a woman who sees it as her mission to bring joy to the world.