Kurt Kroon: On the intersection of self-love and Christian spirituality

Do you believe that you’re fundamentally good at your core? That underneath it all you’re a perfectly worthy, deserving and loveable human being? Or do you believe that you’re flawed in some way? That your goodness has been masked by certain actions, behaviors, thoughts or mistakes you’ve made and you rely on God’s love to save you? 

In this week’s episode, we have a fascinating conversation with Kurt Kroon about the intersection between self-love and the church, the conflicting messages you can receive and the way Kurt has been able to reframe the messages he grew up with and become the pastor he is today.

We discuss some of the problematic messages of the church, and the ways these can be in direct opposition to the message of self-love. One such message that many Christians have received from the church is that they shouldn’t trust themselves - that there’s something bad about who they are, but if they listen to what the church tells them to do, they can be ‘fixed’ by Jesus. We look at the danger of messages like these that teach people to outsource their voice and rely on external sources to tell them what to do, and we give you some ideas for how you can rediscover your internal voice and learn to trust yourself again.

We also talk about the nature of truth and the human desire to ‘know’ all the answers and have certainty about the world. We go into Kurt’s personal journey and how being given permission to ask questions and get curious about the messages of his faith, rather than accept them as foregone truths, opened up a whole world of wonder.

And stay tuned until the end, because we discuss some ideas that we know will resonate with so many of you - the difference between self-love and arrogance, the prevalence of imposter syndrome and how to truly take care of yourself when things get tough.

We hope you love this episode as much as we do and if you know someone that needs to hear these messages, please share it with your friends.

Sarah Von Bargen: How to spend your time, money and energy on purpose

Are you living your life with intention and making decisions that align with your deepest values every day? Or do you feel like your life is running on autopilot and you don’t have time to stop and think about your values, let alone whether you’re living in alignment with them?

In this week’s episode, we speak to the wonderful Sarah Von Bargen and explore what it’s like to live an intentional life and how this is one of the most self-loving things you can do. Sarah is a writer and blogger who teaches people how to spend their time, money and energy on purpose. She does this through her writing, coaching, workshops and online courses she’s created such as Bank Boost, Habit School and The No Grocery Challenge.

 

We talk about what it means to live with intention and why getting to know yourself really well and noticing what makes you happy are some of the simplest and most powerful things you can do for your life. We also discuss the “authenticity tax” - a concept Sarah came up with to describe the price you pay for choosing to live a life that’s true to you, which might not be the conventional life that others expect you to choose.

We explore the connection between self-love and money and how your relationship with money is often a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Sarah talks about the ways that people often use shopping as a stand-in for self-care and she shares a resource she’s created to help people stop buying stuff they don’t need. We also talk about money shame and why talking openly and honestly about your money (when appropriate), can really help to reduce the shame and constant comparing.

Sarah gives a lot of great information in this episode, and we really encourage you to check-out her resources below.

Resources Mentioned:

How To Figure Out What Makes You Happy - https://yesandyes.org/2016/05/how-to-figure-out-what-makes-you-happy.html

Bank Boost - https://school.yesandyes.org/p/bankboostbook

How To Stop Buying Sh*t You Don’t Need - https://yesandyes.lpages.co/stop-buying-sht-you-dont-need/

The “I Deserve It’ Loophole - https://yesandyes.org/2019/07/i-deserve-it-loophole.html

Make It Stick Habit School - https://school.yesandyes.org/p/habitsdiy

Taking A Break is OK

n this episode we talk about the recent break that we took on our podcast and the different ways we each felt about it. We discuss how important it is to take breaks and get the rest we need, but equally how it’s important to honor the commitments we make to ourselves and others, and the difficulty in finding the right balance between the two. 

We look at the way that modern society tends to value productivity more than rest and the detrimental effects this can have if the message we receive is that it’s not okay to take a break. We also discuss the negative labels and language we use when we talk about rest and how this contributes to the problem.

We talk about the emotions that can come up when things don’t turn out the way we originally planned, or when we need to change our goals and commitments to ourselves and others - from frustration, to guilt, to disappointment and feeling like we’re letting people down.

We discuss the fact that self-loving practices differ from person to person and from season to season and why we need to tune-in to what feels self-loving for us, right now, in the season that we’re currently living in.



Katie Coyle: On Self-Compassion And Self-Love As Essential Tools For Parents And Kids

In this episode we chat to the incredible Katie Coyle about the essential role that self-love and self-compassion play in the parenting journey and how to role model these tools to children.

Katie is a pediatric nurse, a writer, an advocate for early intervention, a mother of 3 beautiful children, and a wonderful friend to Lindsay, Koes and Sam.

We discuss Katie’s personal journey to parenthood, which involved infertility issues and Katie conceiving premature twins through IVF at the age of 26. Katie opens up about how difficult this process was and the body shame she felt because her body wasn’t functioning as it was ‘supposed to’. We talk about how Katie found herself at breaking point about 18 months after giving birth and how this became her invitation to becoming more self-compassionate and learning how to love herself well.

We look at the ways that children learn through observing their parents, and why this means practicing self-love is the ultimate lesson for parents to learn, so they can role model this behavior to their children. Katie shares why dropping perfectionism as a standard is a must and how adopting a growth mindset is a more powerful alternative.

Katie also shares some great tools to help children when they’re feeling anxious and upset, how to use story and play as tools to teach self-compassion and what to do when kids or parents are feeling flooded. Katie is an absolute wealth of knowledge, she has a heart of gold and we feel so lucky to have her on our podcast.

Resources Mentioned:

Katie’s website with tools for parents and kids - www.nursemomshop.com

The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - https://amzn.to/2YGol0t

Mindset by Dr. Carol S. Dweck - https://amzn.to/2YINjMI

Susan Piver: On The Four Noble Truths of Love And The Wisdom Of The Enneagram

In this episode we chat to the amazing Susan Piver about her latest book The 4 Noble Truths of Love and understanding meditation as a path to love. Susan is a New York Times Best-Selling author of 9 books, a meditation teacher, a speaker and a long-time Buddhist practitioner. She runs the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world, the Open Heart Project, which has more than 30,000 members. Susan is incredibly wise, insightful and kind and we're so grateful for everything she shared with us.

We discuss how Susan first became interested in Buddhism, why this particular spiritual path appealed to her and how this led to her becoming a meditation teacher. We explore the way that Susan views meditation as a path to love rather than a self-improvement technique or life-hack. Susan explains how through sitting with yourself in meditation and allowing yourself to just be who you are, this opens you up to gentleness. And as you practice softening towards yourself, this allows you to soften towards others and approach them with the same compassion and gentleness.

We talk about the intersection between intimate relationships and self-love and how the way that you treat yourself and talk to yourself can bleed over into your intimate relationship and the way you talk to your partner. The closer you get to a person, the more intertwined you become and if you’re someone who speaks harshly to yourself, as these boundaries become blurred, you’ll probably find yourself speaking harshly to your partner.

We also talk about the notion people have that you have to love yourself first in order to be in a healthy, loving relationship and why Susan believes this is a myth and in some ways, an act of aggression towards yourself.

We go through her Four Noble Truths of Love as a helpful way of understanding modern relationships and the personal insight Susan has gained from her own marriage of 20 years. Last but not least, we chat to Susan about the wisdom of the enneagram - an ancient typology tool that is extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed chatting to and learning from Susan.

Resources Mentioned:

Susan Piver’s Ennegram Workshop - https://susanpiver.com/event/enneagram-daylong-program/

The 4 Noble Truths Of Love - https://www.amazon.com/Four-Noble-Truths-Love-Relationships/dp/1732277605

Susan Piver video interview with Jonathan Fields - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/video/mindfulness-serendipity-and-the-unplanned-life/

Jonathan Fields: On deepening self-awareness and finding work that lights you up

In this episode we chat to the amazing Jonathan Fields about self-awareness, creating communities of belonging and uncovering your unique source code so you can find meaningful work that lights you up. Jonathan is an award-winning author, serial entrepreneur, community-builder, speaker and teacher. He’s been featured everywhere from The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Inc., SmartCompany and Entrepreneur to the pages of Vogue, Elle, Allure, Yoga Journal, Mind + Body, USA Today, and People just to name a few. He’s incredibly inspiring, genuine, full of integrity and he truly cares for people. He’s also the reason the 3 of us met in the first place, so it was a real thrill to get to interview someone who’s had such a significant impact on our lives.

We discuss the ways in which self-awareness is a precursor to self-love and how so much of Jonathan’s work has a focus on self-enquiry and developing a deep level of self-knowledge. We look at where his fascination with the human condition, psychology and human performance began in college, how he followed that curiosity over the years and the profound impact that 9/11 had on his life and work.

We talk about the way we learn to love ourselves in relation to the way we interact with others and how important it is to find communities that foster connection, acceptance and belonging. Jonathan shares so much insight about how we can create amazing communities by being completely open about the values the community stands for, modeling those behaviors, and intentionally designing experiences with social dynamics, interaction and safety in mind. It’s this safe container that allows people to be open and vulnerable, which is what leads to greater connection and belonging.

We also go into Jonathan’s latest work with Sparketypes, which is all about helping you discover your unique source code for work that fills you with a sense of meaning and purpose and allows you to feel fully engaged and fully expressed in the world. We discuss how unloving it is to spend the vast majority of your time doing things that conflict with your essential nature, and why so many people find themselves in this position with the work that they do. Jonathan believes that through learning more about who you are, what matters to you most, and what feels deeply meaningful, this gives you the self-knowledge to know what to say yes or no to in a way that nourishes you and it’s these choices that lead to self-fulfillment or self-love.

Finally, we talk about Jonathan’s self-care rituals and why dark chocolate just might be the solution to everything. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jonathan.

Resources Mentioned:

Good Life Project - www.goodlifeproject.com

Sparketypes - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sparketest/

Creating Space In Your Life

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about creating space in your life and what that can do for you. In today’s modern world, we’ve become so used to packing our schedules with all sorts of tasks and events, that there are very few moments where we stop, take a breath and really ask ourselves what we need.

We speak to Sam about a recent digital detox she decided to take, and what it felt like to be completely disconnected from all devices and alone with her thoughts. We discuss the ways we’ve become accustomed to plugging every second of space with checking our phones, and what it’s like when that reflex is taken away.

Lindsay talks about her latest art project and how she has created the space for that in her life. We look at how creating space can be seen or feel as though it’s self-indulgent, and how we can reframe that and recognize that creating space is essential for all of us. We also discuss the fact that so many people are addicted to being busy and why it is that we resist creating space in the first place.

Jeffrey Davis: On Remembering Your Young Genius And Tracking Wonder As A Path To Self-Love

In this episode we chat to the incredible Jeffrey Davis about his own experiences with self-love and what it’s come to mean to him in his life. Jeffrey is an author, a branding consultant, a speaker, a workshop facilitator, a father of 2 girls and one of the kindest and most genuine people we’ve met. He’s full of wisdom and insight and generously shares so much of that with us in this episode.

We discuss the power of reconnecting with your younger self and uncovering, what Jeffrey refers to as your young genius. What were those innate and wonderful character traits and qualities that you embodied as a young child and how can you show up with them today? Remembering your young genius and honoring your essential nature is a beautiful act of self-love. After all, the more you can develop a deep understanding of who you are, what makes you come alive and really nurture those things, the more enriching your life will be.

We talk about Jeffrey’s lifelong fascination with tracking wonder - what it means and how wonder can actually be a vehicle towards self-love. As Jeffrey so eloquently says “moments of wonder can open you up to seeing yourself and the natural beauty and truth of yourself again. And that’s true in helping you see other people anew as well.” In fact, Jeffrey talks about how one of the greatest indicators of self-love is when you’re all the more open to the world and others around you.

We also look at the ways that self-love can enhance a person’s creativity and how a healthy self-regard is needed in order for people to listen to their young genius over the naysayers and have the courage to put their creative ideas into the world. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jeffrey.

Resources Mentioned:

Tracking Wonder - www.trackingwonder.com

Tracking Wonder Podcast - https://trackingwonder.com/podcast/#episodes

What Would You Do If You Loved Yourself?

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about one of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself - what would you do if you loved yourself? It’s a question you may never have asked, and it’s one that can have a profound impact on your life. It’s a question we encourage you to use as a filter for your decision-making. You can use it for the tiny day-to-day questions like, what do I want to eat today? And you can use it for the big life-changing decisions like, do I stay in this relationship or move on?

We look at where Lindsay, Sam and Koes are each using this question in their life at the moment and what’s coming up for them. We talk about the importance of continuing to ask this question again and again, because the answer can shift and change from day to day. It’s all about tuning in to how you feel in the present moment, being honest with yourself, trusting the answer to that question and then having the courage to take action in alignment with your answer.

We also discuss how this question can help you to set healthy boundaries and whether or not this question can also lead to selfish behaviour when the answer to it negatively impacts other people.



Practising Self-Compassion As An Entry Point To Self-Love

For many people the term self-love can be quite confronting. It’s easy to confuse self-love with being arrogant, egotistical or narcissistic, which is the complete opposite of what self-love is all about. Essentially self-love is about treating yourself with kindness and compassion no matter what is happening in your life, because after all, this is the way that you treat people that you love.  If you’re struggling with self-love and where to begin, a great entry point is through learning to practise self-compassion, which is what this episode is all about.

We look at what self-compassion is and give you practical examples of where Lindsay, Koes and Sam have each practised self-compassion in their own lives.  We talk about why the tendency to beat yourself up and use punishment as a form of motivation just doesn’t work and we offer an alternative, kinder way of being.  We discuss the benefits of dropping your impeccably high standards and how lowering the bar can actually lead to wonderful results. We also share Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion break, which is a 3-part mindfulness process that you can use to help deepen your self-compassion and self-love.

Resources Mentioned:

Dr. Kristin Neff’s website - www.selfcompassion.org