Ending Perfectionism And Feeling Good With Robyn Conley Downs

Are you a perfectionist? Do you have impossibly high standards for yourself or are you often comparing yourself to others? In this week’s episode, we talk to the incredible Robyn Conley Downs about the problems of perfectionist thinking and how you can develop a kinder approach and mindset that helps you get results and feel good in the process.

Robyn is a mother, author, podcaster and creator of the Feel Good Effect, and she’s recently been named one of the most influential women in wellness. She has a Master’s degree in education, with an emphasis on behavior change and she combines this research background with her work as a certified yoga teacher, specializing in mindfulness and self-compassion, to share science-based, simple solutions to help people feel good.

We loved talking to Robyn about her wellness journey and hearing her practical tips for how you can feel better in your life. We discuss how perfectionism doesn’t need to be a label that you over-identify with, it’s simply an approach and a mindset that’s unhealthy, and it’s something you can change through simple practices - you really can rewire your brain!

Robyn talks about the striving and comparison mindset versus the feel good mindset, and why learning to trust what feels good to you is one of the most self-loving things you can do.

We talk about the fear many people have that if they’re gentle and kind to themselves they won’t be able to achieve their goals or be productive, and the fact that science has proven that the complete opposite is true. If you have a gentle and self-compassionate approach, you actually increase your chances of successful results and achieving your goals, in a consistent and sustainable way.

If you love this episode with Robyn as much as we do, then keep an eye out for her upcoming book and check out the resources below.

Resources Mentioned:

The Feel Good Effect Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feel-good-effect/id1247583410

Real Food Whole Life - www.realfoodwholelife.com

Robyn’s Instagram - @realfoodwholelife

How To Cope And Make Friends With Your Negative Emotions

How do you deal with your negative emotions? Are you able to sit with your sadness, anger, frustration, grief, loneliness, overwhelm, disappointment, or any other difficult emotion and really accept it and process it? Or do you tend to ignore these feelings? Try to overpower them? Numb them with food? Alcohol? Netflix? Work? Busyness?

For many of us, negative emotions are something we try to block out of our experience. Whether it’s because we’re ashamed of them, or don’t want to be associated with negativity, there can be a lot of pressure to be positive and happy most of the time. But when we deny the way that we’re actually feeling, and villainize our negative emotions, this leads to disconnection from ourselves, making decisions that aren’t aligned with our values, not to mention all kinds of physical and mental health problems.

In this week’s episode we talk about a new way of understanding your negative emotions and the important messages they might be signaling to you. We discuss the negative impact of unprocessed emotions and we suggest healthy ways that you can process your emotions.

We want you to become hospitable to your emotions and know that all of your emotions are welcome here. Because when you’re at peace with the full range of your emotional experience, you’re also able to witness those emotions in other people and hold a compassionate space for them to feel and to heal.

We also talk about the most self-loving way to approach your emotions, which is always with curiosity and compassion.

If you know someone who could benefit from learning more about emotional health and how to cope with negative emotions, please share this episode with them.



Kurt Kroon: On the intersection of self-love and Christian spirituality

Do you believe that you’re fundamentally good at your core? That underneath it all you’re a perfectly worthy, deserving and loveable human being? Or do you believe that you’re flawed in some way? That your goodness has been masked by certain actions, behaviors, thoughts or mistakes you’ve made and you rely on God’s love to save you? 

In this week’s episode, we have a fascinating conversation with Kurt Kroon about the intersection between self-love and the church, the conflicting messages you can receive and the way Kurt has been able to reframe the messages he grew up with and become the pastor he is today.

We discuss some of the problematic messages of the church, and the ways these can be in direct opposition to the message of self-love. One such message that many Christians have received from the church is that they shouldn’t trust themselves - that there’s something bad about who they are, but if they listen to what the church tells them to do, they can be ‘fixed’ by Jesus. We look at the danger of messages like these that teach people to outsource their voice and rely on external sources to tell them what to do, and we give you some ideas for how you can rediscover your internal voice and learn to trust yourself again.

We also talk about the nature of truth and the human desire to ‘know’ all the answers and have certainty about the world. We go into Kurt’s personal journey and how being given permission to ask questions and get curious about the messages of his faith, rather than accept them as foregone truths, opened up a whole world of wonder.

And stay tuned until the end, because we discuss some ideas that we know will resonate with so many of you - the difference between self-love and arrogance, the prevalence of imposter syndrome and how to truly take care of yourself when things get tough.

We hope you love this episode as much as we do and if you know someone that needs to hear these messages, please share it with your friends.

Sarah Von Bargen: How to spend your time, money and energy on purpose

Are you living your life with intention and making decisions that align with your deepest values every day? Or do you feel like your life is running on autopilot and you don’t have time to stop and think about your values, let alone whether you’re living in alignment with them?

In this week’s episode, we speak to the wonderful Sarah Von Bargen and explore what it’s like to live an intentional life and how this is one of the most self-loving things you can do. Sarah is a writer and blogger who teaches people how to spend their time, money and energy on purpose. She does this through her writing, coaching, workshops and online courses she’s created such as Bank Boost, Habit School and The No Grocery Challenge.

 

We talk about what it means to live with intention and why getting to know yourself really well and noticing what makes you happy are some of the simplest and most powerful things you can do for your life. We also discuss the “authenticity tax” - a concept Sarah came up with to describe the price you pay for choosing to live a life that’s true to you, which might not be the conventional life that others expect you to choose.

We explore the connection between self-love and money and how your relationship with money is often a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Sarah talks about the ways that people often use shopping as a stand-in for self-care and she shares a resource she’s created to help people stop buying stuff they don’t need. We also talk about money shame and why talking openly and honestly about your money (when appropriate), can really help to reduce the shame and constant comparing.

Sarah gives a lot of great information in this episode, and we really encourage you to check-out her resources below.

Resources Mentioned:

How To Figure Out What Makes You Happy - https://yesandyes.org/2016/05/how-to-figure-out-what-makes-you-happy.html

Bank Boost - https://school.yesandyes.org/p/bankboostbook

How To Stop Buying Sh*t You Don’t Need - https://yesandyes.lpages.co/stop-buying-sht-you-dont-need/

The “I Deserve It’ Loophole - https://yesandyes.org/2019/07/i-deserve-it-loophole.html

Make It Stick Habit School - https://school.yesandyes.org/p/habitsdiy

Taking A Break is OK

n this episode we talk about the recent break that we took on our podcast and the different ways we each felt about it. We discuss how important it is to take breaks and get the rest we need, but equally how it’s important to honor the commitments we make to ourselves and others, and the difficulty in finding the right balance between the two. 

We look at the way that modern society tends to value productivity more than rest and the detrimental effects this can have if the message we receive is that it’s not okay to take a break. We also discuss the negative labels and language we use when we talk about rest and how this contributes to the problem.

We talk about the emotions that can come up when things don’t turn out the way we originally planned, or when we need to change our goals and commitments to ourselves and others - from frustration, to guilt, to disappointment and feeling like we’re letting people down.

We discuss the fact that self-loving practices differ from person to person and from season to season and why we need to tune-in to what feels self-loving for us, right now, in the season that we’re currently living in.



Katie Coyle: On Self-Compassion And Self-Love As Essential Tools For Parents And Kids

In this episode we chat to the incredible Katie Coyle about the essential role that self-love and self-compassion play in the parenting journey and how to role model these tools to children.

Katie is a pediatric nurse, a writer, an advocate for early intervention, a mother of 3 beautiful children, and a wonderful friend to Lindsay, Koes and Sam.

We discuss Katie’s personal journey to parenthood, which involved infertility issues and Katie conceiving premature twins through IVF at the age of 26. Katie opens up about how difficult this process was and the body shame she felt because her body wasn’t functioning as it was ‘supposed to’. We talk about how Katie found herself at breaking point about 18 months after giving birth and how this became her invitation to becoming more self-compassionate and learning how to love herself well.

We look at the ways that children learn through observing their parents, and why this means practicing self-love is the ultimate lesson for parents to learn, so they can role model this behavior to their children. Katie shares why dropping perfectionism as a standard is a must and how adopting a growth mindset is a more powerful alternative.

Katie also shares some great tools to help children when they’re feeling anxious and upset, how to use story and play as tools to teach self-compassion and what to do when kids or parents are feeling flooded. Katie is an absolute wealth of knowledge, she has a heart of gold and we feel so lucky to have her on our podcast.

Resources Mentioned:

Katie’s website with tools for parents and kids - www.nursemomshop.com

The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - https://amzn.to/2YGol0t

Mindset by Dr. Carol S. Dweck - https://amzn.to/2YINjMI

Susan Piver: On The Four Noble Truths of Love And The Wisdom Of The Enneagram

In this episode we chat to the amazing Susan Piver about her latest book The 4 Noble Truths of Love and understanding meditation as a path to love. Susan is a New York Times Best-Selling author of 9 books, a meditation teacher, a speaker and a long-time Buddhist practitioner. She runs the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world, the Open Heart Project, which has more than 30,000 members. Susan is incredibly wise, insightful and kind and we're so grateful for everything she shared with us.

We discuss how Susan first became interested in Buddhism, why this particular spiritual path appealed to her and how this led to her becoming a meditation teacher. We explore the way that Susan views meditation as a path to love rather than a self-improvement technique or life-hack. Susan explains how through sitting with yourself in meditation and allowing yourself to just be who you are, this opens you up to gentleness. And as you practice softening towards yourself, this allows you to soften towards others and approach them with the same compassion and gentleness.

We talk about the intersection between intimate relationships and self-love and how the way that you treat yourself and talk to yourself can bleed over into your intimate relationship and the way you talk to your partner. The closer you get to a person, the more intertwined you become and if you’re someone who speaks harshly to yourself, as these boundaries become blurred, you’ll probably find yourself speaking harshly to your partner.

We also talk about the notion people have that you have to love yourself first in order to be in a healthy, loving relationship and why Susan believes this is a myth and in some ways, an act of aggression towards yourself.

We go through her Four Noble Truths of Love as a helpful way of understanding modern relationships and the personal insight Susan has gained from her own marriage of 20 years. Last but not least, we chat to Susan about the wisdom of the enneagram - an ancient typology tool that is extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed chatting to and learning from Susan.

Resources Mentioned:

Susan Piver’s Ennegram Workshop - https://susanpiver.com/event/enneagram-daylong-program/

The 4 Noble Truths Of Love - https://www.amazon.com/Four-Noble-Truths-Love-Relationships/dp/1732277605

Susan Piver video interview with Jonathan Fields - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/video/mindfulness-serendipity-and-the-unplanned-life/

Jonathan Fields: On deepening self-awareness and finding work that lights you up

In this episode we chat to the amazing Jonathan Fields about self-awareness, creating communities of belonging and uncovering your unique source code so you can find meaningful work that lights you up. Jonathan is an award-winning author, serial entrepreneur, community-builder, speaker and teacher. He’s been featured everywhere from The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Inc., SmartCompany and Entrepreneur to the pages of Vogue, Elle, Allure, Yoga Journal, Mind + Body, USA Today, and People just to name a few. He’s incredibly inspiring, genuine, full of integrity and he truly cares for people. He’s also the reason the 3 of us met in the first place, so it was a real thrill to get to interview someone who’s had such a significant impact on our lives.

We discuss the ways in which self-awareness is a precursor to self-love and how so much of Jonathan’s work has a focus on self-enquiry and developing a deep level of self-knowledge. We look at where his fascination with the human condition, psychology and human performance began in college, how he followed that curiosity over the years and the profound impact that 9/11 had on his life and work.

We talk about the way we learn to love ourselves in relation to the way we interact with others and how important it is to find communities that foster connection, acceptance and belonging. Jonathan shares so much insight about how we can create amazing communities by being completely open about the values the community stands for, modeling those behaviors, and intentionally designing experiences with social dynamics, interaction and safety in mind. It’s this safe container that allows people to be open and vulnerable, which is what leads to greater connection and belonging.

We also go into Jonathan’s latest work with Sparketypes, which is all about helping you discover your unique source code for work that fills you with a sense of meaning and purpose and allows you to feel fully engaged and fully expressed in the world. We discuss how unloving it is to spend the vast majority of your time doing things that conflict with your essential nature, and why so many people find themselves in this position with the work that they do. Jonathan believes that through learning more about who you are, what matters to you most, and what feels deeply meaningful, this gives you the self-knowledge to know what to say yes or no to in a way that nourishes you and it’s these choices that lead to self-fulfillment or self-love.

Finally, we talk about Jonathan’s self-care rituals and why dark chocolate just might be the solution to everything. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jonathan.

Resources Mentioned:

Good Life Project - www.goodlifeproject.com

Sparketypes - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sparketest/

Creating Space In Your Life

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about creating space in your life and what that can do for you. In today’s modern world, we’ve become so used to packing our schedules with all sorts of tasks and events, that there are very few moments where we stop, take a breath and really ask ourselves what we need.

We speak to Sam about a recent digital detox she decided to take, and what it felt like to be completely disconnected from all devices and alone with her thoughts. We discuss the ways we’ve become accustomed to plugging every second of space with checking our phones, and what it’s like when that reflex is taken away.

Lindsay talks about her latest art project and how she has created the space for that in her life. We look at how creating space can be seen or feel as though it’s self-indulgent, and how we can reframe that and recognize that creating space is essential for all of us. We also discuss the fact that so many people are addicted to being busy and why it is that we resist creating space in the first place.

Jeffrey Davis: On Remembering Your Young Genius And Tracking Wonder As A Path To Self-Love

In this episode we chat to the incredible Jeffrey Davis about his own experiences with self-love and what it’s come to mean to him in his life. Jeffrey is an author, a branding consultant, a speaker, a workshop facilitator, a father of 2 girls and one of the kindest and most genuine people we’ve met. He’s full of wisdom and insight and generously shares so much of that with us in this episode.

We discuss the power of reconnecting with your younger self and uncovering, what Jeffrey refers to as your young genius. What were those innate and wonderful character traits and qualities that you embodied as a young child and how can you show up with them today? Remembering your young genius and honoring your essential nature is a beautiful act of self-love. After all, the more you can develop a deep understanding of who you are, what makes you come alive and really nurture those things, the more enriching your life will be.

We talk about Jeffrey’s lifelong fascination with tracking wonder - what it means and how wonder can actually be a vehicle towards self-love. As Jeffrey so eloquently says “moments of wonder can open you up to seeing yourself and the natural beauty and truth of yourself again. And that’s true in helping you see other people anew as well.” In fact, Jeffrey talks about how one of the greatest indicators of self-love is when you’re all the more open to the world and others around you.

We also look at the ways that self-love can enhance a person’s creativity and how a healthy self-regard is needed in order for people to listen to their young genius over the naysayers and have the courage to put their creative ideas into the world. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jeffrey.

Resources Mentioned:

Tracking Wonder - www.trackingwonder.com

Tracking Wonder Podcast - https://trackingwonder.com/podcast/#episodes