Using Counter-Evidence To Counteract Negative Confirmation Bias

What if there was a simple tool you could use to literally undo negative self-beliefs and rewire your brain? What if there was a way to quickly realize that the negative thoughts you hold about yourself are just stories that you’re making up and that you have the power to create a more helpful, positive story? The good news is, there is such a tool and we share it with you in this episode.

This episode looks at your in-built confirmation bias - essentially the way in which your brain is actively seeking evidence all day long for what you already believe to be true - and how that can be incredibly destructive when you have a negative self-belief. Your confirmation bias is always going to find evidence that this negative self-belief is true, because that’s what it’s designed to do.  

The counter-evidence tool that we share in this episode is designed to counteract your confirmation bias. The good news is, that for every piece of evidence there is always counter evidence to support the opposing viewpoint - it’s just that you aren’t used to looking for it. If you actively look for the counter evidence to your negative self-belief, you will find it, and as you continue to do so, you will build a large body of evidence that supports an alternate, positive self-belief.

We also look at the ways that you can make using this tool a habit, through implementing the work of Gretchen Rubin and her Four Tendencies framework. For anyone that isn’t familiar with Gretchen Rubin’s work, we encourage you to take her Four Tendencies quiz and find out which tendency you fall into so that you can use the counter-evidence tool in a way that works for you.

Gayla Gower: On Grappling With Divorce And Learning To Trust Yourself

In this episode, we speak to Gayla Gower about her journey to self-compassion and trusting herself. This is a deep dive into Gayla’s personal story, how she ended up in an unhappy marriage, with 3 children, trying to mask the daily pain that she was experiencing, and how ultimately she was able to move through the pain and choose herself.

In this episode, we speak to Gayla Gower about her journey to self-compassion and trusting herself. This is a deep dive into Gayla’s personal story, how she ended up in an unhappy marriage, with 3 children, trying to mask the daily pain that she was experiencing, and how ultimately she was able to move through the pain and choose herself.

We talk to Gayla about the woman she was when she first got married - a person who didn’t trust herself, who decided to trust what her friends and family thought more than her own gut. Gayla gives us an insight into what her marriage felt like, and how she was able to recognize that the unhealthy and neglectful treatment in her marriage was something that felt familiar to her because of her childhood.  

Gayla openly shares how a strongly-held belief that her children would turn out better if they had 2 parents kept her from getting a divorce and the insightful comment that her therapist made, which shifted the way Gayla saw the whole situation. As someone who exemplifies love and compassion, Gayla’s story is a beautiful one of resilience, building self-trust and getting a second chance at life so that Gayla can now be fully herself - a woman who sees it as her mission to bring joy to the world.

Koes Bong: On Unemployment, Self-Worth, And Self-Love

In the world we live in, self-love and self-compassion are topics that are slowly becoming more popular and are being talked about amongst women, but it’s rare to find men that discuss these ideas.

In this episode we interview one of our co-founders, Koes, and get an insight into the world of self-love and self-compassion from a man’s perspective. What are the unique challenges that men face and why is it harder for men to access and discuss these ideas?

As we delve into Koes’ story, we learn how his upbringing in Indonesia, his family’s definition of success and the traditional way in which he viewed himself as the male breadwinner of the family all played a role in establishing his sense of worth.

For Koes, his self-worth was wrapped up in his intelligence and his ability to earn a lot of money, which meant that he put a lot of pressure on himself to be financially successful. So when Koes unexpectedly lost his job in November 2017, this became the ultimate test of his capacity to love himself and treat himself with compassion, and not equate his self-worth with his job and his financial success. Who was he really without all the labels?

We also look at Koes’ entry point into the world of self-love and self-compassion which came through attending Camp GLP, being exposed to new ideas, and confronting his long-held beliefs about himself and the world. Koes began meditating when he was at camp, which has become a daily practice for him, and has played a big role in his self-love and self-compassion journey. Koes shares his tips for anyone who wants to start a meditation practice and he also has a message for any men listening who think that self-love and self-compassion are not for them.

Meditation resources Koes shares:

KC’s 30 Day Meditation Challenge (

Insight Timer (

Lindsay Bong: On Breaking Free Of The Need For The Approval Of Others

Do you feel as though you need to please everyone? Do you ever do things for other people because you want them to like and accept you? Do you put other people’s needs before your own and fear that if you start to put your own needs first and practice self-love that you’ll become selfish? Don’t worry, you are not alone. In this episode, you’ll hear the personal story of our co-founder, Lindsay, and how she broke free of the need to constantly serve others and win their approval.

Lindsay talks about the way in which she always felt that she had to work out what others needed from her and make sure she was meeting those needs so that they would like and accept her. She shares how this can make you forget who you are and deny your own needs and wants, essentially becoming invisible, in order to please others.  

We go into Lindsay’s upbringing, the role that her Christian faith has played alongside her journey of self-love, what happens when your self-worth is wrapped up in being of service to others, and how to show up in your relationships without expectations.  

We also talk about the way in which being a parent and wanting to instill a sense of self-love in her children became Lindsay’s gateway into realizing the importance of building her own self-love and self-compassion.

Lindsay shares how she builds her self-love or “fills her love cup”, as she puts it, and talks about her “joy diet”, which you’ll want to tune in for.

Sam Thomas: On Overcoming Poor Body Image Through Self-Love

Do you ever look in the mirror and not like what you see? Do you have a self-critical voice that kicks into gear and starts saying unkind things to your reflection? “You’re fat, you’re ugly, you have dark circles under your eyes, you look old, your hair looks terrible today etc. etc.” If you can relate to this type of negative self-talk or if you’ve ever struggled with poor body image, then this episode is for you.

In this episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we interview one of the co-founders of the podcast, Sam Thomas, about her personal journey with self-love and how she was able to move from a place of high self-loathing and very poor body image to a place of complete self-acceptance and self-love.

We go back into Sam’s past, where the self-loathing began, how it continued and grew worse throughout high school, the way it showed up for her in her twenties and then we look at the pivotal moment when it was pointed out to Sam that there might be another way of looking at her body and a path to self-acceptance. Sam also shares her number one tool for turning down the volume on your negative self-talk, and why she believes that self-loathing (and NOT self-love) is one of the most selfish ways of being.

Welcome to the You Are Infinitely Loved Podcast

In this intro episode, the 3 co-founders of the project, Sam, Lindsay, and Koes talk about why they started this podcast and what their hopes and dreams are for the podcast going forward.

This is a podcast about self-love and self-compassion. What would your life look, feel, and be like if you went through the world with the belief that you are infinitely loved? How does self-love and self-compassion change your life? And more importantly, how do you go about building your self-love and incorporating these practices into your life? This is what Sam, Lindsay and Koes want to explore on the podcast and they’re so excited you’re here to join them.